Roryshock Throws Another Human/Animal Distinction on the Slagheap of History: Claim that Wild Animals Don't Act Debunked

There are some who claim that the ability to ACT is what makes us human and distinguishes us from “the animals.” As an aside, rory is pretty frickin’ sick of people worried about distinguishing the naked ape from the rest of nature. What’s the frickin’ point of that? First it was “tool use.”
Oh, the animals don’t use tools. We, humans, however, use, and in many cases, are, tools. Jane Goodall and others laid the “tool use” horseshit to rest by observing chimps using sticks to procure food, by using hammer and anvil to break nuts, etc. We still hear plenty of this shit from people obsessed with separating us from “the animals” in keeping with the bible which is the authority that establishes we have “dominion” over "them" and are better than "them". Fuck that shit. The pseudoscientific bible-thumpers claim that animals don’t have “spirituality,” “altruistic behavior,” “ability to use language,” or “high intelligence in general.” rory sez: horseshit, holmes. rory sez: by these definitions, a feller who doesnt’ know his anus from his ankle, such as George W. Bush, is less human than, say, Kanzi, the human language learnin', tool fabricatin' Bonobo.

Those who make a living out of human-animal-distinction-ruminative-beard-pulling and-pontification (so far most of the yahoos I’ve found who are obsessed with this shit are indeed male neked apes) are becoming increasingly desparate to find new unassailable areas of distinction. That’s why they came up their latest claim: “Animals do not act.' One renowned zoologist, Dr. Bivin Tumblewad, said, “I mean there are no Bonobo Oliviers, now are there? No reptilian Ralph Richardsons. No pachyderm Pacinos. No whale Witherspoons. No canine Clooneys.” rory sez: I think you missed “no Turtle Tumblewads” doc, you frickin’ fuckwad.


But seriously, rory contacts Dr. Tumblewad and says, “hey doc,” and rory can hardly keep a straight face as he says “Tumblewad,” but that’s his frickin’ real name, okay, I got proof that there are reptilian Ralph Richardsons. I mean, the hognose snake, it does a death scene like nobody. Here, man, check out these pictures rory took:



I’m always impressed when I see this performance. I mean they flop over, they prolapse their cloacas, they emit musk, their jaw opens, their tongue dangles out. And it’s all an act! Talk about a frickin’ performance doc! Yeah, I know plenty of human actors can conjure up tears on demand. But name one Oscar winner who can prolapse the old cloaca and emit musk, then roll over, slither off, and do it again with feeling moments later, if the muse calls. Name me frickin’ one, man.”



Tumblewad was ready for this one. “Mr. Shock, I have studied animal behavior as a professional for my entire career. As a scientist, I cannot draw conclusions from mere anecdotal observations. Additonally, “playing dead” is hardly acting. Why by your logic, we’d have to include opossums. Dogs have been trained to “play dead” as well. This type of rote behavior is either “hard-wired” into the animal or trained into the animal by humans. And, I think even you know, humans don’t have cloacas."

rory sez: see what I frickin’ mean. You just can’t reason with these fuckers. And a by-the-way: the first three hognose snake pix are worth clickin' on to enlarge, in roryz humble opinion.