Rev. Verle Smegma Pens an anti-abortion Children's Book: Sacred South Dakota Billy Blastula.
Reverend Verle Smegma of the Fourth Fundy Baptismal Church of the Latter Day Peckerwoods, a White House Abstinence-Only Educational Grant recipient, has penned a children's book. Recall, Reverend Smegma Distributes his own special brand of Abstinence-Only condoms.
His book has become quite popular already with the Christian right.
Kids speak on Billy Blastula:
"How come Billy looks the same in every picture?" (3rd grader)
[Rory sez: Because he's a frickin' cell clump kid, not a person. Cell clumps don't have faces or wear clothes for shitsake!"]
"I ain't gonna have no more sex with my Uncle until I'm married, 'cause Billy taught me real good." (4th grader)
[Rory sez: Holy Shit!]
"Can Billy come over to my house and visit?"
[I don't frickin' think so kid."]
"Who's Reverend Verle Smegma?"
[Believe me kid, you don't want to know.]
"Does God love Billy more than me?"
[In South Dickota, Fuckin' A kid.]
His book has become quite popular already with the Christian right.
Kids speak on Billy Blastula:
"How come Billy looks the same in every picture?" (3rd grader)
[Rory sez: Because he's a frickin' cell clump kid, not a person. Cell clumps don't have faces or wear clothes for shitsake!"]
"I ain't gonna have no more sex with my Uncle until I'm married, 'cause Billy taught me real good." (4th grader)
[Rory sez: Holy Shit!]
"Can Billy come over to my house and visit?"
[I don't frickin' think so kid."]
"Who's Reverend Verle Smegma?"
[Believe me kid, you don't want to know.]
"Does God love Billy more than me?"
[In South Dickota, Fuckin' A kid.]
posted by Rory Shock at 12:51 PM
19 Comments:
holy shit dude. I was taking a drink when I went to your page and saw that condom and nearly spit it all over my keyboard! fucking hilarious
thanks man ... I was just at your place ... you're rockin ... I just like two seconds ago put your link here ... anyhoo ... thanks ...
I just love this because it puts things in their true perspective.
Billy is pretty much a growth depending on his host for a long time. Billy is, until some point, a parasite.
Sorry Billy, you are nothing but, as the story goes, a lump of parasitic cells.
And ugly, to boot!
Billy Blastula... jesus you are funny.
That condom ain't funny Graeme. It's serious as a abortion. You know a young person can go straight to hell fer usin' a condemn? And you think that's funny. And Shock, you sumbitch, I'm a comin' fer you, I know that don't sound Godly, but you ain't fair. But I gotta say, I like it when you bad mouth the dang Pope. POP. Billy is a person. A sacred person. Parasite, that's like a dog worm. He ain't nothin' like no dog worm. See, no dog worm ain't got no soul. But see, Billy he got a soul. See, part of the soul was in the Pappy's sperm and the other part was in the Momma. And then they get together and make one soul that Jesus loves. Why is that so hard for you people to unnerstand?
Hehe very nice. i wonder if the Rev, personally pre stretches all the con- domes prior to message printing.
Beautiful Rory! The questions from the kiddies are priceless.
on the last question to the kids you put ND instead of SD. we haven't caved in yet. i hope we don't. although i live about two minutes from Minnesota so if we ban abortion, I will claim to be a minnesotan.
i still laugh at that condom pic. I showed it to my roomate and he laughed his ass of as well.
Well Rory...you had an interesting night- too funny..so when does your Childrens Book come out ? and the good Rev came by...Billy...OMG...( and you saw Sy_Philis over at Fuzzy& Blue ?)...keep blogging it.
Graeme ... what is it with this north and south dakota thing with rory ... dangit ... thanks lg ...
Well, the Rev. has one of them special dispensations to pre-stretch condoms LOC ... that is the only holy and sanctified reason to wear one. It's just a duty, a Christian duty ...
send it to Jon Stewart...seriously it is that good...
( or I guess Bill Maher would also thoroughly enjoy...)
( Good you used such Big Print and Pictures for the King to read it to the kiddies...who knows maybe that is what the Kings calls it....Billy)
enigma, you are too dang kind ... ;)
"Billy Blastula" is even better than "My Pet Goat," Rory! Maybe even W. the Fuckwitted could understand it!
Thank God for your book Rev. I was almost tempted to save my walking, talking, breathing, very loved and cherished 3 yr old in case of a fire breaking out in a fertility clinic (WTF we'd be doing there is not pertinent... stay with me Goddammit!)... but now I see the error of my ways:
To Hell with you walking, talking, breathing, and very cherished and loved child... I've got to save those Snowflake babies and Billy Blastulas!
Isabelita: God loves the fuckwitted ... accordin, to the prezent, God has spoken directly to him. As a man of the cloth I have no reason to question that ...
Tina, I am gratified that the book helped you to clear up yore sense of godly priorities ... that's what my ministry aims to do ... it scares me sometimes thinkin' about how there aren't enough firedrills around takin' care of the fertilized ...
How does billy speak with no mouth?
That's what I'm confused about.
Hmmmm.... oh well.
Why Helen, certain Christian children's books, like part of the good book itself should not be taken litrully, although I have heard the tiny voices of blastulas speakin' to me from beyond ... those that have been murdered ... and it is for all those people those little sacred cell clump people that Reverend Verle has written this book, praise the lord
Dis geezer is called reverend smegma what a joke lmao
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