Cheney's scrotum torn during rough love session with hooker. President asks nation to pray for speedy recovery.

Can it be a mere cosmic coincidence, or is there really some god-like force of justice after all? There's been heavy coverage of Dick Cheney's list of must-haves when he checks into a hotel. Granted, it's an expurgated version. For example, no mention that he likes an individually wrapped, soothing hemorrhoidal wipe of a specified brand laid out on the pillow precisely 7 centimeters from the mint. The list leaked was intended for public consumption. Also note the absence of alcoholic beverages. The dude likes his bar very well-stocked. No mention of his demand for multiple premium porn channels. Not a whisper about the sixpack of disposable enemas that he likes. And for some reason, "hooker," got left off the list of his usual travel amenities. rory sez: gonna be a long time now before dick seeks those services again.



Dorito Lovincheeks, the Madam, said, "Well, maybe it wasn't the same Harry Whittington, how would I know, but the guy who paid us for this girl said his name was Harry Whittington, and he said the man wanted a big mamma, and he'd pay extra if she was really, really rough, with good strong teeth, and he kept saying 'You know what I mean, when I say big strong teeth?'"

Rear Admiral Charles "Chilito" Numnutz, NSA shadow director, advised that the videos of the session have been seized by the NSA and are being held in a secure facility. Numnutz said he has reviewed the tapes himself and says the vice president did nothing to provoke the attack.

Harry Whittington denies anything to do with this. "I repeat, it was my fault that Dick shot me. If anything, being peppered in the face strengthened the bond between myself and Dick. Revenge is the furthest thing from my mind. I'm sure it was just a mixup with the whore. Dick usually gets a real gentle gal, you know. Got that pacemaker and all."

Prezdent Bush said: "I ask the nation to join me in prayer for the Vice President's speedy recovery. Dick Cheney has my full and unwavering support. I know this is a difficult time for him and for his family. We just thank the good lord this didn't turn out worse. I have asked the press not to cover this. Because with freedom comes responsiblity, the responsibility to say nothing that I don't want them to say."

The call girl, whose name is being withheld for national security reasons, is in custody at an undisclosed location, without charges, being held as an "enemy combatant." Numnutz says: "We're fairly comfortable in saying that tearing the vice president's scrotum off with your teeth is an act of terrorism, a violent destructive, senseless act meant to influence governmental policy."

Donald Rumsfeld lambasted bloggers for blogging about this incident. "The real problem here is not the vice president seeking the services of what turned out, in an unforeseen, foreseeably, unforeseeable way to be a very violent, senselessly violent woman, the real problem is the perception of the vice president being created by bloggers. "

rory sez:



Because sometimes that's all there is to say.