The Press Conference Cheney Almost Gave On the Whittington Shooting: "I thought he was a dang Javelina"

At a short-notice press conference almost given today, Vice President Dick Cheney was to have "disclosed" that he shot Harry Whittington with what he thought was a well placed shot at a javelina. The javelina excuse had been the favorite of advisors until this morning and they had convinced Cheney to use it. But Cheney vetoed it and elected to speak on the bushcheneygovernment channel, Fox News, basically sticking with the far-fetched Katharine Armstrong scenario. Here's how it would have gone had he opted for the javelina story:

“First, let me thank President Bush, Secretary Rumsfeld, Katharine Armstrong and the American people for their support during this difficult time. I would like to particularly single out Katharine for thanks. She has stepped up in my defense based upon her best observations about what was a dynamic, fast-breaking, essentially a combat situation, er. I would also like to thank her for her most recent kind words of praise, calling me “an excellent conscientious shot.” She and others who have supported me have done so out of a sense of patriotism and loyalty. They are the “for us” folks in the “for us or against us” equation. That being said, nobody can know what was in my mind except me.
Simply stated, I thought Harry was a javelina. And as Katharine said, I “peppered him pretty good.”

[Note from Rory: Whittiington appears at his most javelina-like at the left]

"The javelina is a vicious, unpredictible wild hog. They have little fear of humans. They are a menace to lawns, golf courses and sprinkler systems. They strike at values we hold dear relating to private property and lawn maintenence. Down in Texas there are several casualties every year in human/javelina combat situations. This is knowledge that every hunter and outdoorsperson carries in the back of their mind when they head out into the field down there. I saw motion out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was a javelina coming for us. Mind you, I had the safety not only of myself, but of the entire hunting party in mind. I had to react. I wheeled and fired what I thought was a well-placed shot into the vital head and neck area of the javelina. I knew it was only bird shot, but I figured there was a pretty good chance I could deter a charge, maybe blind the thing so we could take it out with a barrage, rocks, knives, whatever it would take. Turned out it was Harry Whittington. This was a friendly fire incident.

"I must say, this makes me appreciate the job done by our service people in Iraq even more profoundly. How do they know whether that vehicle approaching a check point is a suicide bomber? They have to make a split second judgment on whether to fire. And we shouldn’t second guess them. So please please don’t second guess me, folks.

"I know the press and the blogsters, like this Neil Shakespeare depicting me like some sort of twisted criminal on the lam as just one example, are having a lot of fun with this. Some have called such behavior on the part of blogsters traitorous or even seditious. I'm not sure about that, but do remind people of what the president said recently, “with freedom comes responsibility.” I am taking responsibility for shooting Harry. And if you think this is hard on Harry, well, let me tell you, I go over and over this scenario in my mind replaying it, wondering if there was a way to avoid it. And I conclude that if the same situation came up again, I wouldn’t hesitate to take the shot. But I’ll tell you what, if there were a way for me to take those pellets for Harry, I’d gladly do it. And I want the American people to know, each and every one of you, whatever the threat out there, I stand ready to cut it down to protect you, whether it’s a javelina, a swan with flu, or a suicide bomber. God Bless America."

Cheney was to then take no questions.

Commentary: The “javelina excuse” for hunting accidents is common knowledge among hunters in Texas. To Rory’s knowledge, Cheney would have been the first to use it to excuse a Quail hunting "accident."
The javelina excuse is the redneck hunter’s equivalent of the throw-down weapon ploy used by a few corrupt cops on TV who shoot unarmed civilians.

There are many mistaken javelina and hog shootings of humans in Texas every year. Sadly only a few are officially reported. Some sources put the numbers in the hundreds annually. Unless the injury is very serious, many do not even seek medical help. The previous post quotes a fair number of recent officially reported incidents. Perhaps one of the most poignant and a potential Darwin Award candidate is this sad father-son story:

Comments from Texas State Report: "Shooter mistook his son for a javelina and shot his .22 cal. rifle. They were in a spot where they had seen javelina earlier in the day; son was wearing dark camouflage clothing; hunters were from Utah."

Where there are links to Texas Official Redneck Hunting Accident Reports

"Son, I didn't mean to shoot ya, ya looked like one of them hogs though. Kinda like that cartoon of Mohammed I seen not too long ago. We's from Utah, guess that had somethin' ta do wit it."

Regarding what was to be Cheney’s claim that he thought Whittington was a javelina: Fly-On-the-Wall advises that her monitoring of Cheney’s thoughts indicates that would have been a bald faced lie by a bald-headed man.
The fact is, Cheney was most likely intoxicated, if not with alcohol, then with the scent of death, the power to kill other beings.

Fly Bio

Regarding Cheney’s characterization of javelinas, which he does believe, apparently: Completely false. Well, except for the part about damaging lawns and sprinkler systems. Here’s what the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department says about them:

“Javelina have long held an undeserved reputation for ferocity. They have poor eyesight and will often remain around humans longer than other wildlife when startled. When cornered, they can defend themselves very effectively with sharp canine teeth or "tusks". Many dogs have been crippled or killed when trying to attack javelina. Yet aggressive encounters with humans are very, very rare. , javelina can be very troublesome to landowners when they become habituated to homes and human activities. They often sleep in caves, and cave like areas, and seem to find the crawl spaces under homes attractive. They may cause significant damage to yards and sprinkler systems because of their habit of rooting for food.”

As to what made Cheney almost use the "javelina excuse" see the previous post.

The story told by the "eyewitness" Katharine Armstrong still makes no sense, as noted in the previous post.