Human-Animal Hybrid Crucified in Secret Killing Fields in Crawford, Texas

Okay, at first Rory thought the human animal hybrid was a scientific impossibility. Then Fly-On-the-Wall set him straight. She advised that there are a number of human-animal hybrids in secret detention on a ranch in Crawford, Texas. Even more shocking: A Secret Court set up to handle matters of national security has sentenced a few of these hybrids to death for crimes against nature, under the Rule known as: Inherent Powers of the Bushcheney to do whatever the fuck it wants. Rory managed to sneak this photo of a human-animal hybrid crucifixion in the killing fields of Crawford.

In a secret Memorandum, perused by Fly-On-the-Wall (Bio link in sidebar), Attorney General Alberto "Gonzo" Gonzales points out that even under what he calls "historical source jurisprudence" executions of hybrids have been deemed necessary for keeping the public order. One of the true founding fathers, in Gonzo's book, Cotton Mather, blithely imposed the death penalty both on the human and the animal found guilty of getting it on. Gonzo is also quick to point out that torture has historically been approved in the context of human-animal hybrid death penalty jurisprudence. In support, he quotes the following text in what is known informally around the Western White House as the "Hybrid Execution Paper:"

"Cotton Mather in his book "The history of New England," written at the end of the seventeenth century, describes how a Weymouth man, who had been a lifelong Sodomist, was first made to watch as 3 sheep, 2 sows, 2 heifers and a cow, all of which had been his sexual partners, were hanged. It seems that in this puritanical world that the animals involved were just as guilty "before God" as the man himself. He was executed in the same manner shortly afterwards.

Another case from New England in the mid-seventeenth century concerns one Thomas Granger, an imbecile from Duxbury. He had copulated with a mare, a cow, 2 goats, five sheep, 2 calves and a turkey. He ended up on the gallows of course.

For a first class demonstration of how effective torture can be we turn to a man who admited, under torture, to sodomising a sow, knowing full well that he would hang for it. The evidence was that a piglet had a human appearence, and "a flecked eye exactly like his...because of this he was suspected and admitted his guilt." It is, of course, an absolute impossibilty for a man to father a pig. We must then assume that the poor man decided that hanging was better than to allow the torture to continue."

Gonzo adds the following caveat: "Mr. President, obviously our scientific advisors disagree with the author's implication that a man cannot father a pig to the extent that it suggests human-animal hybridization is not possible. We also strenuously disagree with the author's apparent belief that torture may not have been 'effective.' I am not sure why he draws that conclusion, after all a confession was obtained and the suspect was successfully executed."

Wonderful Website from Which Gonzo's Quoted Animal Execution Material Came

The above information casts a new light on the following photograph of W "gettin' his hands dirty" posted on the White House web site. Sources say it is actually W digging a mass grave for executed hybrids.



And finally, a reminder of the definition of "hybrid": "Genetics: The offspring of genetically dissimilar parents or stock, especially the offspring produced by breeding plants or animals of different varieties, species, or races." (American Heritage Dictionary)