Bush Suggested Well-Known-I-Thought-It-Was-A-Wild-Hog-Texas-Hunting-Accident-Excuse to Whittington's Peppering by Cheney

Fly-On-the-Wall reports that during a "situation" conference between President Bush, Alberto "Gonzo" Gonzales, Dick Cheney, and a number of advisors, President Bush jokingly stated: "Heck, Dick, do what a most hunters do down in Texas when they shoot somebody, say you thought it was a javelina or a wild pig or somethin' like that."


Cheney responded angrily, "What the hell would I be doing going after wild hog with birdshot? That's pretty damn stupid. Katherine's already told people the story we agreed on anyway." Bush responded, "Yeah, well, the wild hog thing's as good as Katherine's story, if you ask me. No more dumbass stupid than what works for a lota fellas who shoot someone hunting back home."

Gonzales stated that he tended to agree that Katherine Armstrong's account was pretty shaky. Gonzales said it's tantamount to either an "invisible man defense" or "an admission that Dick shot somebody who was completely behind him."


"That'll hold water about as good as a leaky bucket," Gonzo said.




Cheney replied, "Shit, Alberto, they'll buy it from Katherine Armstrong. Hell of a lobbyist. Hell of a shot.
She could sell rubbers to Reverend Verle Smegma. One thing that woman has is great credibility."

Gonzo replied, "Well, Dick, I don't know. I think her story is worse than my testimony about why we need to keep the wiretaps secret. I told you they were gonna laugh at me. Here we go again. I've sketched out her statements. Okay, first Katherine Armstrong statement. and I quote: 'Whittington came up from behind the vice president and the other hunter and didn't signal them or indicate to them or announce himself.
The vice president didn't see him.' That one right there was in the papers."

"As you can see, this shows Katherine's statement graphically. Whittington is behind Dick who is pointing his gun in the opposite direction. Whitttington approaches from the rear, Dick wheels around 180 degrees and fires. The excuse? Whittington didn't call out. You don't have to call out when you are behind the guy who is about to shoot. The guy who is about to shoot is supposed to look first."
Bush chimed in, "Yeah, well that's just, like, your opinion, Berto."
"No, that's hunter's safety 101," Gonzales replied.

Gonzo went on: "Now, as to her second scenario. That one's even more ridiculous. The New York Times carried that version already and it's got Ambassador Willeford chiming in. And I quote: "Ms. Armstrong and Ms. Willeford said the accident was largely the fault of Mr. Whittington, who had reappeared alongside two of his hunting companions without giving proper warning. Mr. Cheney, who was carrying a 28-gauge shotgun, had already begun to fire and sprayed Mr. Whittington." I see a couple problems here Dick, George. First of all, people can't just disappear and reappear in real life. That's fantasy. Second of all, if he reappeared alongside two of his hunting companions, that implies that the companions were already apparent to Dick, so he would have been shooting towards them even if Mr. Whittington had not reappeared and had stayed invisible. I don't think this one works. Also, what does she mean "begun to fire and sprayed" him. Once you pull the trigger the gun fires. Before you pull the trigger the gun doesn't fire. There's no "beginning to fire" or starting to fire. There is only pre- and post-firing with a millisecond of "firing" per se where the hammer hits the primer. I don't think a 78-year-old is fast enought to intercept the pellets of a shotgun if he's not pretty much in the path when they are fired. In other words, even if you are going to go with the invisible Whittington version, "Dick fired when Whittington reappeared," not "Dick had begun to fire when Whittington reappeared" would be the more accurate version of this story. And that doesn't sound too good either.

So, here's my diagram of this one. I know, I labelled it scenario 3 even though there are only two and it's a little sloppy, but you get the point. On the left you've got Dick facing the two companions while Whittington is invisible. On the right, you've got Dick facing the two companions and the suddenly reappearing Whittington. This depicts what Armstrong and Willeford claimed happened in the New York Times version. In both parts of the diagram, the companions are in the field of fire from the beginning. This is not good. If the press thinks about this at all, it's gonna fall apart.
Cheney responded, "They won't think about it. Don't you realize that by now?"
Gonzo replied, "I'm actually thinking maybe we should go with the you thought he was a wild hog version. That's pretty tried and true down in Texas."

Rory notes: Many hunters in Texas do really stupid shit, much like Dick Cheney. These stupid actions are documented every year by the State of Texas. Quite regularly they were shooting at a hog or what they thought was a hog. The quotes that follow are from the official Texas annual reports.

Comments: Shooter mistook victim for a hog and shot his .243 cal. rifle. Bullet struck victim in right hand. Prevention: Always be absolutely sure of your target before raising your rifle; carry binoculars; attend a hunter education course.

Comments: Shooter mistook victim for a hog. Victim was riding an ATV and hunters were hunting at night and after a large hog at the time of the incident. Prevention: Always be absolutely sure of your target before raising your rifle; never hunt hogs at night unless you have adequate lighting; carry binoculars; attend a hunter education course.

Comments: Two shooters were shooting at running hogs with .22 rifles. Non-hunting companion stepped into the line of fire as shooters carelessly swung on game outside of a safe zone of fire. Bullet struck victim in buttock from about 3 feet away. Prevention: Always point muzzle in a safe direction; never move into the a hunter’s line of fire; always stay within a safe zone of fire; communicate with hunting companions; know where others are positioned at all times; never fire rifles at moving targets.

Comments: Shooter was standing on bumper of jeep firing at a hog with his rifle steadied on the top of the jeep. Victim was struck from bullet that ricocheted off the roll bar. Victim was sitting in front of jeep, in the line of fire. Prevention: Always point muzzle in a safe direction; never shoot from within or on a vehicle; never sit, stand, or walk within the line of fire.

Comments: Shooter was shooting a .22 cal. rifle at turtles in a stock pond. One of the bullets ricocheted and struck a nearby landowner who was fixing a tire on his tractor. Prevention: Always point firearm in a safe direction; never shoot a rifle/handgun at a flat hard surface such as water; obey the laws; attend a hunter education course; hunt under adult supervision; do not practice shooting at wildlife.

Comments: Shooter mistook victim for a coyote and shot his .220 Swift cal. rifle from over 100 yards away. Bullet struck victim in upper left leg. Hunters were in violation of several laws at the time of the incident. Prevention: Always be absolutely sure of your target before raising your rifle; carry binoculars; obey the laws; attend a hunter education course.

Comments: Shooter mistook his son for a javelina and shot his .22 cal. rifle. They were in a spot where they had seen javelina earlier in the day; son was wearing dark camouflage clothing; hunters were from Utah. Prevention: Always point the firearm in a safe direction; be absolutely sure of your target before raising the firearm to it; communicate with hunting companions; know where others are positioned at all times; wear blaze orange to be seen; attend a hunter education course.

Comments: Shooter carried loaded firearm in a boat with 3 hunters and a dog. Firearm discharged as dog walked on it. The bullet struck the victim in buttock. Prevention: Always point firearms in a safe direction; always unload and store firearms in case when transporting; control dogs around firearms and in blinds; never overload a boat.

Comments: While laughing, shooter pulled the trigger while shotgun muzzle was resting on his foot; apparently thinking it was not loaded. Prevention: Always point muzzle in a safe direction; treat every firearm as if it is loaded at all times; control the muzzle and use a proper carry at all times; obey the laws; attend a hunter education course; hunt with adult supervision; avoid horseplay.

Comments: Shooter swung on game outside of his safe zone of fire. Pellets struck victim in face as he was walking back to his vehicle. Shots were fired from three hunters shooting at quail over 40 yards away from the victim. It was unknown who specifically fired the shot as hunters all fired using the same loads. Prevention: Always point muzzle in a safe direction; always stay within a safe zone of fire; communicate with hunting companions; know where others are positioned at all times.

Well, those actual descriptions of hunting accidents that happened in Texas. This last one reads a lot like the description of Cheney's friendly fire incident will read, no doubt. Funny, this would seem to put at least a little bit of the responsibility on the shooter. There's that old be sure of your target before shooting thing. And then there's the point it in safe direction rule. Seems like Tortureman needs a little course in: