Harmless in Nature -- Potentially Dangerous in Sauerbraten: the Cicada.

rory, rory, rory, what the frick brings this on? well, it's like this, rory's head voice sez to rory's head ear:

"This possibly drowned annual cicada you fished from the drink recently isn't really frickin' annual, now, is it?" Whatchoomean? It's been said many times, many ways, but here's how it's put in A Field Guide to the Insects of America North of Mexico:

Most cicadas are large blackish insects, often with greenish markings, that appear each year in July and August; their life cycle lasts 2-5 or more years, but the broods overlap and adults are present each year.

yabbut, rory, ain't they "annual" in the sense that there are adults present annually. yabbut, rory, when one hear's the term "annual" one thinks that the life cycle takes a year, or something, doesn't one? alright, alright. but rory was reminded by all this of something that is beyond debate, beyond semantics, beyond scientific or psuedoscientific quibbling. oh frickin' A, as they say, "If one thing is certain," it's that my old dog, Junior, long gone, sure as shit not forgotten, loved to eat cicadas. annually. here's old Junior. handsome sumbitch, innit-hee?
this photo was taken by a wee child, roryz son, hence the artistic cropjob. shows the soulful, cicada eatin' old Junior. rory could tell you storyz 'bout him. those were the dayz for dogs. how he made love to a naugahyde jacket in front of guests--like it was nobody's business--with a happy ending, how he climbed 20' up a tree and leaped off into a bush, how he became buddies with a skunk, how for a time he trotted shotgun for a "bum" who scavenged a makeshift bar parking lot for dropped dinero after a new day's dawn, things like that. fuckin' canine kerouac, he was. but on the subject of cicadas: he loved 'em. he'd leap into the air and snatch 'em, chomp 'em still buzzin' in his chops. no mammal has out-experienced the ecstasy of old Junior during the onslaught of the periodical cicadas, the smaller black and red ones that come out every 13 or 17 years as the brood erupts into a brief-in-the-frickin-cosmic-scheme-of-things buzzing festival of sound and sex. for old Junior was it the buzz or the flavor or the joy of the hunt? or all of the above and a smell that we humanz can't appreciate? I dunno. never leapt into the air and caught one in my teeth and chomped it still buzzing. but then maybe rory should give that a try anyway. if for no other reason than to renew appreciation for the eye-snout coordination of good old canis familiaris.

but, then, rory, you ignurnt sumbitch, turns out plenty of folks eat cicadas. and it seems to be a well-known fact that dogs 'n' catz love 'em. mostly seems to be the periodical cicadas that are big for eatin'. cause there are so many it's like pickin' ripe grapes off a vine, perhaps. yummity yum yum cicada's are good 'n' good for ya too. tastes a little like crawdad. and as the link points out they're low in fat and high in protein. so what about recipes. shee-it, there are lot of 'em. for 'sample: try some curried cicadas or perhaps cicada sauerbraten.

But just when rory starts thinkin' it's safe to eat cicadas he comes across this specimen of the infamous literary form known as the DISCLAIMER! HFS!

**Disclaimer: the University of Maryland and Cicadamaniacs do not advocate eating cicadas without first consulting with your doctor. While many people do eat cicadas, there is no guarantee that they are safe for every person to eat. As with all foods, it is possible that certain individuals, will have allergic reactions to substances within the cicada.**

HFS!!! CICADA MEAT CAN BE DEADLY!

So, rory'll make a dr.'s appointment before eating a cicada. when the assistant asks "What brings you here today, Mr. Shock?" rory'll just fuckin' say, "Well, I'm planning to eat some Cicadas, but I think the Dr. will want to run some tests to make sure that is safe, or something." forget the frickin' dr's appointment. I dunno 'bout you, but I don't advocate spending the money to ask your dr. whether it is safe for you to eat a cicada. I don't think the frickin' average dr. has any frickin' clue about cicada consumption safety. here's roryz plan. I'm gonna eat my first cicadas just outside the local emergency room. i'll sit there for as long as it takes to be sure I'm safe. but if I start to feel the onset of serious problems I'll go inside and tell 'em to get on the good foot and help me 'cause I got a bad case of cicada poisoning.

Disclaimer: roryshock duz not advocate eating cicadas without preparations being made for sudden painful death. in fact there is very little that rory advocates you do unless you are prepared to die. but that's another subject. if you must eat cicadas, do so close to a well-staffed emergency room, preferably one that has personnel trained to deal with adverse reactions to cicada consumption and that will take your medical condition seriously instead of stripping you naked and giving you a suit of paper jammies, a shot of thorazine, and a bed in the rubber-walled hotel, pending evaluation by a psychiatrist with whom you have trouble communicating because of differing native tongues.

oh yeah, rory almost forgot: here's where you can get the recipes prefaced by the disclaimer, if you desire, and if you dare: more yummy but dangerous cicada recipes.

aw, fuckit. i think I'll just have a cup of coffee. my currently living best canis familiaris buddy recommends coffee over cicadas anyhow.