U.S. Air Force to Bomb High Crime Neighborhoods to Establish Buffer Zones

What if the Israeli self-defense methods were used here to battle evildoers AND there were a frickin’ “Truth in Leafleting Law?” rory has learned of a secret plan to use those methods here, a plan hatched by Rear Admiral Chilito Numnutz and approved by Rumbo, which is a Condi-hair away from approval.



Imagine, if ya will, an Amurikin high-crime neighborhood will be leafletted the day before bombing begins. The leaflets blown about the neighborhood by the harbinger, the aerially-detonating propaganda bomb, will read:

“You have 24 hours to vacate. We are not interested in hurting you. We are only interested summarily executing the murderers, thieves, rapists, child molesters, and miscellaneous bad people living within your neighborhoods, using ordinary homes as shelter. We intend to create a buffer zone around a community of safer suburban homes, as there was a recent violent incident in an affluent neighborhood adjacent to yours instigated by a thug from your neighborhood. As a result, we plan to turn your neighborhood into a wasteland, bomb it into rubble, cut off electricity, blow up your local gas stations, and blast apart the roads, bridges, and train tracks in and out, in order to deny bad people a safe haven next to good people. You will have no source of clean water or food if you stay home. However, remember there is always some risk that we will blow you off the remnants of the ruined roads as you try to flee. The Lebanese woman depicted in this photograph near the gutted hulks of fleeing vehicles seems to have trouble comprehending this phenomenon and remains in denial of the beneficial aspects of the Israeli self-defense actions she just witnessed.

We hope this informative leaflet helps you avoid the confusion she experienced. Please understand, you are not our stated target even if we place you in our gunsites and kill you. For example, sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between evildoers and the people, say, delivering fruit, transporting humanitarian supplies, or just running away in terror from the violent forces of good.

Please understand, relatively hairless apes all look the very similar from the cockpits of aerial death delivery systems. The evildoers themselves foment these unfortunate mistakes, which we regret in advance as tragic, by making efforts to dress and behave like ordinary humans. It's all part their guerilla effort to escape justice. Please, even as you or your loved ones lie bleeding from shrapnel, or masonry fragments imbedded in skin, or perhaps writhe while screaming from white phosphorus or gasoline burns, keep in mind that criminals and terrorists are our intended targets, not you or your loved ones. Thus your pain does not bother our conscience in the least. You see, there is a moral difference between the bad things evildoers do and the much more widespread and hideous destruction we wreak. For example, this scene elicits no pangs of remorse because the Lebanese child shown here died for the stated purpose of preventing terrorists from violently killing:



Yes, there is a moral difference when we kill. We state that we have good intentions, for one thing. It is the criminals and terrorists you must blame for the violence we will inflict upon you. You must blame them as well for the children crushed or blown into pieces, the destruction of your humble homes, the loss of all you have, as we destroy your habitat. The criminals have made us into the violent monster that we are. It is really not our fault. We have no choice. We must defend ourselves. We have no control over the fact that for every suspected violent criminal or terrorist that we manage to assassinate extrajudicially we will kill ten times more innocents for whom we cannot even fabricate a scintilla of suspicion. We merely seek to establish a safe zone around our neighborhood. That is our intention. We do not intend to hurt you, although we acknowledge that we inevitibly will. And remember if you had killed or incarcerated the criminals yourself, we wouldn't be forced to destroy your lives now. Thank you for your cooperation as we work together in violence to solve the problem of violence. Oh, and be out by sundown or face certain death. --The Mighty Righteous Ones.”