what is beauty? WARNING: THE BOTANICAL IMAGES PRESENTED HAVE BEEN DECLARED OBSCENE BY RELIGIOUS EXTREMISTS and MASTURBATION IS DISCUSSED!!!
rory was at it again this week. looking for rattlers, that is! both those with a transmitter and those heretofore "undiscovered" by humanoid. found this one in the classic i'mawaitin'forarodent ambush position on a log. lookit the raindrops on his scales. been a wet humid, and hot, week, soakin' rory with sweat, makin' hiz pack stinky, his clothing feel as convenient as a jumpsuit made of warm wet wallpaper, and the damn chiggers consuming the flesh 'round his ankles even more irritating. but then, it's all worth it when you see a thing of beauty. and your sweat reminds you it's good to be alive. and to appreciate the simple things. like water.
I know. not everyone thinks rattlers in particular or snakes in general are things of beauty. for some the addition of legs to the critter makes all the difference. some who are repelled by snakes find lizards cute. while writing notes about a snake found near a proposed development area, rory saw this pretty adult five-lined skink darting about a nearby rock, seemingly foraging for insects or arachnids. see 'em frequently. hardly ever get a good shot at 'em with the camera. she's pretty rory thinkz:
maybe even more people like dragonflies. even people who hate insects generally. dragonfly jewelry. dragonfly prints. dragonflies in songs of ziggy marley. dragonflies are "pretty." I agree. just that I find alot of other insects beautiful, if not pretty, as well. but we'll get to that, kinda. so rory came upon this newly emerged dragonfly on a mossy trail. wings still wet and somewhat limp. helpless insect unable to escape rory's lens.
not to far from the dragonfly, rory came across this beetle. apparently a female stuffed with eggs to the point that her carapace looks like the shrunken vest of an obese biker, more bib than abdomen- or belly-cover. oh coleopterists out there: what species is this? my daughter advises it looks like a scarab ... of which there are thousands of species. scarabaeidae. dung eaters. coprophilous critters. oh female of distended abdomen walking the woodland floor, were you in search of "the right shit" when rory distracted you for a moment to record your image? a worthy quest as noble as any search for the holy grail.
is she not beautiful? roryz person on the street survey, however, had her physical beauty rated well below that of the dragonfly. should she consider cosmetic surgery? makeup? rory could have captured her and painted her with shiny metallic, colorful paints and photographed her. perhaps clothed her swollen abdomen with a lovely printed sarong. painted her mandibles ruby red. inserted some thorax implants? would she have been beautiful then? or is there more to beauty than the human-visual-culturally-constructed-vision-of-beauty-of-the-day? scarabs. dung collecters. holy rollers of the shitball. sacred to the egyptians. is this not beauty?
According the Corning Museum: "The scarab rolls dung into pills, buries them in the earth, and thereby provides nutrition for its larvae. The fact that something as inferior as dung gives life to this beautiful beetle made the scarab an ideal representation of Khepri, god of the rising sun, rebirth, and transformation. “Khepri” means both “scarab” and “he who becomes.”"
so the scarab beetle exhorts its young
better than the "EAT SHIT AND DIE!" motto of the bush administration. w the man who wanks while baghdad and beirut burn.
now a short digression on a side-loop trail that will return to the path of this post, kinda: you know the late pope actually believed that the reason his spine became parallel to the ground in his old age was that he had excessively pumped the pre-papal python as a youth? rory shitz you not. imagine a huge organization that has as one of its tenets a great deal of anti-masturbation rules, regulations, commentary, and scholarly works. laughable, yet scary. oh, yes, they take their bishop-bashing seriously. same organization along with others of its ilk is behind the anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment movement sweeping amerika. first of all why the fuck do people think this something for "legislative" action? second of all, why the fuck do people think this is something for a constitutional amendment? third of all why do people give a shit what other people do in the privacy of their bedrooms? ignurnce on so many frickin' levels. a constitution is an overarching, guidelining kinda document, ain't it? by frickin' definition. if every time some piece of legislation were declared unconstitutional, fuckwads in legislatures spent their time trying to come up with a specific amendment to overturn one ruling and enact one law, well, they wouldn't have time to entertain lobbyists or pass lameass idiotic jingoistic bush jerkin' resolutions in support of ill-fated ill-conceived wars ... uh, hmm ... okay ... so maybe we should encourage 'em to work on ridiculously specific constitutional amendments, like the anti-gay amendments, or the anti-flag burning amendments, or ... the anti-masturbation amendment. you know the one that reads just like the Vatican's law: "Sex is defined as the act of coitus between a man and a woman united in holy marriage for the sole purpose of producing more human offspring than the world can sustain. Masturbation has never been formally recognized as a legitimate form of sex under the judeo-christian traditon of America. Indeed masturbation has long been held to be harmful to the physical and moral being of humankind. Wherefore, any act of masturbation, or other manner of self-stimulation for purposes of sexual gratification, whether unilateral or mutual, is not constitutionally protected."
Oh, the Senators can get behind this one. Why, jerkin' the gherkin can be addicting, they might point out. "Let the heathens spill theirs on the dusty ground," we can almost hear them say. And to think that Father Hardon is a moderate on the subject of five-fingered solitaire, willing to at least mitigate culpability!
why the masturbation-cure industry could experience a renaissance! which reminds me of a page in an old book I found in a flea market in Kansas years ago. book is entitled "The People's Medical Advisor" and was published in 1918. worth at least a post in and of itself. even on the subject of weasel-workin' alone. gotta wonder since the catholic catechism is pretty much the same now as it was in 1918, how many people still believe this type of shit. you might have to click up the image to read that the nut on the right was "wasted by masturbation":
wait! what is it? poll results just in! 39% of the world's population believes that wanking can waste the balls! percentage higher among fundies of all stripes! rory's medical advisor states that twisted beliefs about self-play can result in excessive, uncontrollable nocturnal missile launches, suicide bombings, indifference to civilian deaths, and in extreme cases, rape of entire countries by overwhelming military force. (less has been written on the subject of the ill effects of female self-help it seems, again, the social and cultural ramifications of which are subject for a post itself, no doubt).
Oh, Dr. Jocelyn Elders, surgeon general under wild bill clinton, advocate of therapeutic self-stimulation, casualty of the amazingly powerful anti-selfpleasuring movement, would that your message had been spread rather than suppressed! Damnable casualty of wankgate! Oh, yes the anti-manual forces are powerful. powerful and dark. powerful, dark and ruthless. the surgeon general was purged from the clinton administration for the sin of open discussion of self-pleasuring and the denial that it is a sin or unhealthy or more dangerous than our constitutionally protected godgiven american right to bear arms and mindlessly blast the everlovin' crap out of beautiful creatures that do us no harm, such as coyotes, for frickin' example.
one can imagine the subsequent interviews of surgeons general. "Where do you stand on jacking off, self-diddling, solo dildo use, or lone rubbing? Will you sign this oath to never discuss, advocate, or suggest that masturbation does not cause grievous harm to the individual performing this pathological action? Do you agree with the teachings of Claude Lallemand, the 19th Century physician who maintained that autoerotic activity has these effects: "All sensations decrease, sight is endangered, and the mind is threatened, and the usual result is idiocy and death."
which brings me back to the other subject at hand. nature photos declared obscene, that is. well, here's the tie-in. A priest of germanic descent, I suppose, but a true american catholic, name of Irwin Spankmeister, rory shitz you not, whats-in-a-name-anyway, would lead wayward youths to his garden at the appropriate time of year, where a fungus would grow up. some call it dog penis or dog dick fungus. some say it's one of the stinkhorns, for it smells foul, attracting flies that spread its spores. oh, but father spankmeister used to call it by a variant of its more medieval name: "devil's dong." some say it's the devil's "doohickey." And he would tell lads that if they pleasured themselves the lord might render their thing like the devil's dong in color, size, overall appearance, smell, and attrativeness to flies. Oh what an educator of youth the priest was! well rory came across the infamous dog penis fungus during this week's woodland perambulations and got a couple of shots of it.
view from the right:
view from the left:
jesus christ on crutches spankmeister! it's just a fuckin' mushroom! it's not a visual aid in the war against wanking! and it's got a beautiful color. tweaks the mind when you come upon it in the woods. hey, flies like it. a thing of beauty in its own way even. rory also heard, from flyonthewall, that the secret service is still searching for a paranoid schizophrenic man who publicly put a curse on the firstfuckwad's dong shouting out his wishes that it turn into the infamous devil's doohickey! speakin' of which, whatever happened to that poor bastard who got arrested for wanting to lop the presidential marble bag? oh the world of nekked apes is indeed a funny one! and yet, given the news of the past year, none of this surprises rory in the least. and all of which confirms that the bush administration is a lot like the traditional catholic contentions regarding masturbation: the results are idiocy and death.
postscript:
For those who might not remember threat-on-the-presidential-marble-pouch-incident here's a link to roryz post on it. bush's scrotum declared safe from wishes of indicted mental patient; elderly woman praying for cheney's pecker to fall off to be indicted next rory plans to attempt to locate and interview the alleged perpetrator of this insidious plot. if anyone has his current address, please advise.
I know. not everyone thinks rattlers in particular or snakes in general are things of beauty. for some the addition of legs to the critter makes all the difference. some who are repelled by snakes find lizards cute. while writing notes about a snake found near a proposed development area, rory saw this pretty adult five-lined skink darting about a nearby rock, seemingly foraging for insects or arachnids. see 'em frequently. hardly ever get a good shot at 'em with the camera. she's pretty rory thinkz:
maybe even more people like dragonflies. even people who hate insects generally. dragonfly jewelry. dragonfly prints. dragonflies in songs of ziggy marley. dragonflies are "pretty." I agree. just that I find alot of other insects beautiful, if not pretty, as well. but we'll get to that, kinda. so rory came upon this newly emerged dragonfly on a mossy trail. wings still wet and somewhat limp. helpless insect unable to escape rory's lens.
not to far from the dragonfly, rory came across this beetle. apparently a female stuffed with eggs to the point that her carapace looks like the shrunken vest of an obese biker, more bib than abdomen- or belly-cover. oh coleopterists out there: what species is this? my daughter advises it looks like a scarab ... of which there are thousands of species. scarabaeidae. dung eaters. coprophilous critters. oh female of distended abdomen walking the woodland floor, were you in search of "the right shit" when rory distracted you for a moment to record your image? a worthy quest as noble as any search for the holy grail.
is she not beautiful? roryz person on the street survey, however, had her physical beauty rated well below that of the dragonfly. should she consider cosmetic surgery? makeup? rory could have captured her and painted her with shiny metallic, colorful paints and photographed her. perhaps clothed her swollen abdomen with a lovely printed sarong. painted her mandibles ruby red. inserted some thorax implants? would she have been beautiful then? or is there more to beauty than the human-visual-culturally-constructed-vision-of-beauty-of-the-day? scarabs. dung collecters. holy rollers of the shitball. sacred to the egyptians. is this not beauty?
According the Corning Museum: "The scarab rolls dung into pills, buries them in the earth, and thereby provides nutrition for its larvae. The fact that something as inferior as dung gives life to this beautiful beetle made the scarab an ideal representation of Khepri, god of the rising sun, rebirth, and transformation. “Khepri” means both “scarab” and “he who becomes.”"
so the scarab beetle exhorts its young
better than the "EAT SHIT AND DIE!" motto of the bush administration. w the man who wanks while baghdad and beirut burn.
now a short digression on a side-loop trail that will return to the path of this post, kinda: you know the late pope actually believed that the reason his spine became parallel to the ground in his old age was that he had excessively pumped the pre-papal python as a youth? rory shitz you not. imagine a huge organization that has as one of its tenets a great deal of anti-masturbation rules, regulations, commentary, and scholarly works. laughable, yet scary. oh, yes, they take their bishop-bashing seriously. same organization along with others of its ilk is behind the anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment movement sweeping amerika. first of all why the fuck do people think this something for "legislative" action? second of all, why the fuck do people think this is something for a constitutional amendment? third of all why do people give a shit what other people do in the privacy of their bedrooms? ignurnce on so many frickin' levels. a constitution is an overarching, guidelining kinda document, ain't it? by frickin' definition. if every time some piece of legislation were declared unconstitutional, fuckwads in legislatures spent their time trying to come up with a specific amendment to overturn one ruling and enact one law, well, they wouldn't have time to entertain lobbyists or pass lameass idiotic jingoistic bush jerkin' resolutions in support of ill-fated ill-conceived wars ... uh, hmm ... okay ... so maybe we should encourage 'em to work on ridiculously specific constitutional amendments, like the anti-gay amendments, or the anti-flag burning amendments, or ... the anti-masturbation amendment. you know the one that reads just like the Vatican's law: "Sex is defined as the act of coitus between a man and a woman united in holy marriage for the sole purpose of producing more human offspring than the world can sustain. Masturbation has never been formally recognized as a legitimate form of sex under the judeo-christian traditon of America. Indeed masturbation has long been held to be harmful to the physical and moral being of humankind. Wherefore, any act of masturbation, or other manner of self-stimulation for purposes of sexual gratification, whether unilateral or mutual, is not constitutionally protected."
Oh, the Senators can get behind this one. Why, jerkin' the gherkin can be addicting, they might point out. "Let the heathens spill theirs on the dusty ground," we can almost hear them say. And to think that Father Hardon is a moderate on the subject of five-fingered solitaire, willing to at least mitigate culpability!
why the masturbation-cure industry could experience a renaissance! which reminds me of a page in an old book I found in a flea market in Kansas years ago. book is entitled "The People's Medical Advisor" and was published in 1918. worth at least a post in and of itself. even on the subject of weasel-workin' alone. gotta wonder since the catholic catechism is pretty much the same now as it was in 1918, how many people still believe this type of shit. you might have to click up the image to read that the nut on the right was "wasted by masturbation":
wait! what is it? poll results just in! 39% of the world's population believes that wanking can waste the balls! percentage higher among fundies of all stripes! rory's medical advisor states that twisted beliefs about self-play can result in excessive, uncontrollable nocturnal missile launches, suicide bombings, indifference to civilian deaths, and in extreme cases, rape of entire countries by overwhelming military force. (less has been written on the subject of the ill effects of female self-help it seems, again, the social and cultural ramifications of which are subject for a post itself, no doubt).
Oh, Dr. Jocelyn Elders, surgeon general under wild bill clinton, advocate of therapeutic self-stimulation, casualty of the amazingly powerful anti-selfpleasuring movement, would that your message had been spread rather than suppressed! Damnable casualty of wankgate! Oh, yes the anti-manual forces are powerful. powerful and dark. powerful, dark and ruthless. the surgeon general was purged from the clinton administration for the sin of open discussion of self-pleasuring and the denial that it is a sin or unhealthy or more dangerous than our constitutionally protected godgiven american right to bear arms and mindlessly blast the everlovin' crap out of beautiful creatures that do us no harm, such as coyotes, for frickin' example.
one can imagine the subsequent interviews of surgeons general. "Where do you stand on jacking off, self-diddling, solo dildo use, or lone rubbing? Will you sign this oath to never discuss, advocate, or suggest that masturbation does not cause grievous harm to the individual performing this pathological action? Do you agree with the teachings of Claude Lallemand, the 19th Century physician who maintained that autoerotic activity has these effects: "All sensations decrease, sight is endangered, and the mind is threatened, and the usual result is idiocy and death."
which brings me back to the other subject at hand. nature photos declared obscene, that is. well, here's the tie-in. A priest of germanic descent, I suppose, but a true american catholic, name of Irwin Spankmeister, rory shitz you not, whats-in-a-name-anyway, would lead wayward youths to his garden at the appropriate time of year, where a fungus would grow up. some call it dog penis or dog dick fungus. some say it's one of the stinkhorns, for it smells foul, attracting flies that spread its spores. oh, but father spankmeister used to call it by a variant of its more medieval name: "devil's dong." some say it's the devil's "doohickey." And he would tell lads that if they pleasured themselves the lord might render their thing like the devil's dong in color, size, overall appearance, smell, and attrativeness to flies. Oh what an educator of youth the priest was! well rory came across the infamous dog penis fungus during this week's woodland perambulations and got a couple of shots of it.
view from the right:
view from the left:
jesus christ on crutches spankmeister! it's just a fuckin' mushroom! it's not a visual aid in the war against wanking! and it's got a beautiful color. tweaks the mind when you come upon it in the woods. hey, flies like it. a thing of beauty in its own way even. rory also heard, from flyonthewall, that the secret service is still searching for a paranoid schizophrenic man who publicly put a curse on the firstfuckwad's dong shouting out his wishes that it turn into the infamous devil's doohickey! speakin' of which, whatever happened to that poor bastard who got arrested for wanting to lop the presidential marble bag? oh the world of nekked apes is indeed a funny one! and yet, given the news of the past year, none of this surprises rory in the least. and all of which confirms that the bush administration is a lot like the traditional catholic contentions regarding masturbation: the results are idiocy and death.
postscript:
For those who might not remember threat-on-the-presidential-marble-pouch-incident here's a link to roryz post on it. bush's scrotum declared safe from wishes of indicted mental patient; elderly woman praying for cheney's pecker to fall off to be indicted next rory plans to attempt to locate and interview the alleged perpetrator of this insidious plot. if anyone has his current address, please advise.
posted by Rory Shock at 6:30 AM
8 Comments:
beautiful post!
I always said that "beauty is that which is most universal made most local" and it applies to everything including snakes and scarabs and the rainbow glint of maggot goo revealed by the lid taken off the can.
my favorite word you made : wankgate...
perfect.
love your writing.
love your comment ... a beauty on beauty ... the rainbow glint of maggot goo ... oh yeah ... thanks much
oh rory, your sacred scarab beetle reminded me of the anthropologist Richard Dawkins story about when some creationists were attacking his "gradual mutation" theory with their usual BS. Their smug refutation involved disproving why the dung beetle would have even started to evolve from a previous non-dung-resembling existence and ended with the self-serving observation, "What possible value is there in looking 5% like a piece of dung?" To which Dawkins responded "Better 5% a piece of shit than a 100% dead."
and, wankers take heart, Rory's 1918 medical book illustration provides more than a suggestion that steroid use must extend at least back far. amazing find! D.K.
Self-abuse! Does this mean that our brethren of the Pan genus are sinners? Or does that presuppose they have souls?
Excessive drinking (Mountain Dew, Jagermeister, Red Bull, etc.) does the same thing. Hmmm....testeball hypothesis: The First Testes are beyond repair.
I'll leave it to flyonthewall to gather the empirical evidence on that one (if she can get past the DHS codpiece 'o' death).
Classic post. Another to file away for the "Matters at Hand" chapter in your book.
pee es: For some strange reason, Charlie Parker went REALLY well with this piece.
great dawkins quote ... I'm a fan ... unweaving the rainbow, the selfish gene, the blind watchmaker ... oh yeah ... forgot about the steroidal shrinkage issue ... must've been 'roids around in some form in 1918 ...
Guerillas ... one thing we can be sure of: the first and second chimpanzees, unlike the third, sure as shit don't listen to the pope's horseshit ... came across a George Carlin quote on the subject, speakin' of catholics ... something to the effect of: if God didn't want us to masturbate, he would've given us shorter arms ... fly is on the case ... and the bird IS the word ... like your chapter title as well!
Heal the soul of America first
And lording over this world
Shall easier toward thy will bend.
People of liberty, patriots of steel,
Heal thy quarrelsome hearts
Of this dreadful arousing.
Cleave this; your ceaseless punishment.
Abort the dreary blade of dominion
And a weight thou unfasten of thy weary hope.
Heal thy abhorrent soul first
And loving over this world
Shall easier toward God turn.
Beautiful photographs! Beautiful creatures - all of them!
Ridiculous people - again.
Another brilliant post! Man, I'm glad you're back.
That drawing of the shrivelled testicle - it's hard to believe people thought that way. And yet, not so hard to believe.
oh yeah poetry man oh yeah ... hey gugon ... glad to be back and have you back over here ... thanks for the comments everybody!!!!!
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