Sunday, April 09, 2006

bush's scrotum declared safe from wishes of indicted mental patient; elderly woman praying for cheney's pecker to fall off to be indicted next

Arafat Nijmeh, a mental patient in East St. Louis, told his case workers and then the Secret Service that he "WANTED TO" castrate President Bush,, according the reports rory has read. WANTED TO. He then told the Secret Service agents that the old radical cojonectomy "is not too harsh, considering what he has done to my country [Palestine]. If not that, then maybe something else, you know?" Later he said he was joking. For this, he was arrested and indicted for THREATENING the president. Now he faces hard time in club Fed. What the fuck is going on here? If every person who ever had a fleeting thought of some bodily harm befalling Bush and mentioned it were indicted and locked up tomorrow, I suspect that we would have to pull out of Iraq to be able to afford the prison expansion necessary.
Note: rory wishes no physical harm on anyone, including bush and his cronies. physical harm is wrong and fucked up. so is locking up a mental patiient for saying he wanted to lop Shrub's bubs Neverthefrickinless, with the arrest and incarceration of Nijmeh, the presidential castration threat has been downgraded back to yellow from red where it briefly stood. Rear Admiral Chilito Numnutz, shadow NSA director, declared the presidential jelly bag safe and secure. Nijmeh has been locked in a wish proof cell at a secure Federal Facility, where he is undergoing preliminary, torture-recipient orientation, in preparation for his transfer to Gitmo as an enemy combatant. Numnutz said, "No matter how hard this individual wishes for harm to befall the presidential nutsack, those wishes, those desires, those wants, will not be able to escape the walls of his cell.

This cell is specially designed to keep all mental energy contained within where it cannot reach the outside world." Holy Fuckin' shit people. rory sez these people are fucking psychotic! but I guess it standstofrickin' reason that if a mental patient can be threatening the president for wanting his balls lopped off, you've gotta make sure you lock up those wants. HFS! they have actually built thought prisons. but then that does standstofrickin' reason when you've got thought police and people arrested for thought crimes. you can't just lock up the person. you've gotta lock up the frickin' thoughts. so roryz thinkin' what the frick? was W wearing a tinfoil jock to protect himself or somethin'? well it turns out it's worse than that.





Homeland Security Secretary Chertoff is already holding press conferences to milk this one for publicity:






rorysez: this is complete frickin' madness. again, just when rory thinkz it cannot get any frickin' worse, it does! An 86-year-old woman is ratted out by her Priest for admitting to praying for Cheney's Dick to fly off! During her interrogation by the Secret Service, she admitted that she would really like to see that happen. Cantaloppa Fasta said, "Eh, he fucked the American people, let God take his chipolata! Yes, I prayed it would fly off and go down the sewer! Yes, I really want his chipolata to come off!"



Grandma Fasta is in custody. An indictment is expected this week. complete frickin' madness people. well, if you're gonna have thought police and wish police, rory guesses you're gonna hafta have some prayer police also.

24 Comments:

Blogger PTCruiser said...

I'm running for office of Prayer Sheriff before this whole thing takes off. That way I can prevent any prayer involving "radical cojonectomies". Hilarious. Thanks, Rory.

3:31 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

thanks pt ... I'll gladly be your campaign manager

3:45 PM  
Blogger Guerrillas in the Midst said...

The last two posts were poifect. Still waiting on the announcement for the book writing.

I wonder what exactly the legal limits are of anti-Presidential verbal-hostility. Perhaps a knee to the teabag? Sending mental microwaves to the First Testes?

Criminee, there are just too many Bushes anyway. Not like he'll produce even more drunken boozehound spawn.

Transmission ended.

5:13 PM  
Blogger Guerrillas in the Midst said...

Gack! Rory, have I got a montage for you! Check it out here!

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-gopdrfreud.htm

If this is true, then the DHS codpiece is most certainly a model or prototype of some sort as it wouldn't quite fit the Commander in Wee.

5:47 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

thanks for that link Guerillas ... it is hilarious to see all of those different folks doing the weenie weenie gesture at once together in reference to the prezdent ... yeah, I think he rattles around inside ... same deal: balls and brains ... codpiece and contents ... cognitive dissonance through and through ... re: the limits of verbal hostility ... after this case, who the hell knows anymore ... maybe if the dude said ... I wish somebody would ... instead of I'd kinda like to ... it's really crazy ... thanks so much for the kind words ...

6:03 PM  
Blogger gugon said...

rory - this is friggin hysterical! I had to read it twice, and on the second time, I realized (with shock and distress) that I wasn't sure how much of this was true and how much rory made up or embellished.

Thing is, this administration has become so ridiculous that almost nothing would suprise me. They have almost made themselves immune to satire. Maybe that is part of their scheme: "If we can become ridiculous enough, it will be impossible for anyone to make fun of us! Haaa, ha, ha, haaa (evil laugh)!"

By the way, where can I get one of those Nad Masters?

7:10 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

yep gugon ... fiction based reality ... reality based fiction ... rory's motto ... doesn't even cover it anymore ... as to the nad master ... I am in negotiations to become a nad master distributor ... but for now, I'm just stickin' with the tin foil ... it keeps most of the damaging thoughts out ...

7:23 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

i for one dearest mr shock feel ever so much safer with these two threats OFF of the streets! let's keep the king's JUNK safe! i think i'll form a new group

1:55 AM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

okay...so I can can't pray for these motherfucking bastards to be sent to hmm, a place worse than hellhole Gitmo ?...

fiction based reality....sounds right...

How amazing that the creative jucies keep flowing here..thank you

3:15 AM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

hey rose. I think we're all safer with Nijmeh behind bars. maybe there should be a separate crime of "wanting to harm the presidential or vice presdential JUNK"
enigma: so great to see your tag back ... hope you are well ... thanks

3:50 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I have my thoughts under lock and key and keyboard.

5:12 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

Hey! I'm not alone.... I've been secretly wishing and hoping for a chance to go back in time so I could render George H.W. Bush and Barbara Pierce Bush infertile... who knew so many others wish to cast spells below the belt their clan's way, too?

6:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks, rory, now I can never again wish for gonadal atrophy without thinking of those shrunken filberts
rattling around in the "Nad Master". Such thoughts had been one of my secret pleasures. D.K.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

dk: see, the nad master's thought blocking claim is not just puffery!
careful Tina ... Gonzo is researching whether actively desiring interyear travel for purposes of spell casting can be considered a crime!
pop ... preemptive thought incarceration ... that's the safest approach, I think

12:52 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

The only way to avoid involvement with the Prayer Police is abstinence. Just say no to prayer.

5:15 PM  
Blogger gugon said...

Umm. This is not really the point of our discussion, but...I bet a guy gets a lot of attention from the ladies while wearing the Nad Master.


Oh yea, and by the way, both my wife and I laughed out loud at your tin foil comment!

The chafing must be a real problem.

7:39 PM  
Blogger Graeme said...

Bush's scrotum safe, wheeewww, now i can finally get some sleep

10:35 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

Neil: brilliant prayer abstinence! I knew the administration was advocating thought abstinence, but prayer abstinence definitely sound like the answer ...
gugon: nad master sure set the tongues a waggin for bush during operation codpiece, aka as the Lincoln victory landing ... and the chafing ... well, it's a small price to pay for the security ... I was reluctant to try it at first, but when I learned that it was for my own good to protect me against random thoughts of terroristic mental patients, which statistically speaking pose a greater danger to my nads than say bird flu or Iran, I felt that the chafing was but a small price to pay ... freedom isn't free ...
graeme ... there's always a sense of relief when Homeland Security nips a situation like this in the bud ... Nijmeh being locked up so rapidly and decisively shows that the security machine is well oiled and ready to protect ...

7:24 AM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Prayer abstinence? Is that why team Bush isn't winning in Iraq?

11:11 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Another brilliant post. I am always amazed and impressed! I suppose the Department of Dream Security is next, eh?

1:05 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Rory,
How's this for off topic? The new little pic (avatar) of the guy with the snake, is that you and what were you doing to or with the snake? What kind is it?
Yeah sure I'm nosy, but that's how I learn stuff.

Sunday we discovered we have a black racer (chubby little rascal) living in our backyard. He lives near the fence where all the lizards sun. That explains his chubby-ness.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

kathy: I think its abstinence from giving a rat's ass about all that is decent and makes life worth living for most people --
Helen: wow, thanks for the spirit-liftin' comment ... and it is scary ... this bunch has definitely been doing a lot of nasty thinks to many folks' dreams ...
pop -- yeah that's me in the picture ... with a timber rattler (dark morph) ... not hurting him ... part of a field study ... racers are cool ... saw a lot of black racers and some black rat snakes, among others, while looking for rattlers ... I love watching racers "race" it blows my mind when they book it across open ground ... I'm glad you've got reptilian friends outside at home ... I'm jealous ...

2:04 PM  
Blogger Michael Bains said...

elderly woman praying for cheney's pecker to fall off to be indicted next

No way! Now that's a Faith Based Initiative I could get (almost) behind.

No worries though. Their case 'gainst her won't stick since prayer's just been shown to be iffy at best.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

michaelb. they'll have to line up some experts ... I also heard talk of an 'impossibility" defense ... which might exlpain all the anger and the twisted grimace
thanks for comin' by

6:54 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home