Bush Indicted On Wanglingo for Reckless Bicycling: privilege to Operate Wheeled Vehicles Suspended for Ramming Policeman

As noted at the Nordbank blogspot, Bush can't fart and bicycle at the same time. This became evident last summer when bicycling Bush raised his hand, which some onlookers mistook as a wave, and let a loud one rip, while careening along a Scottish Highway. Unable to dodge the President's kamikaze bicycle charge, the hapless Constable he ran down was off work with his injuries for 3 months.
Bush often raises his hand as he is about to expel wind and upon successfully farting outloud will habitually gather his fingers into a fist and mutter "Yesss." Unfortunately, farting, raising his hand, and cycling simultaneously put too great a strain on his executive functions and his brain became hopelessly confused at the multiple impulses. The result, a collision, a spill, and an injured Constable.

Here's how the press has covered the incident recently:

"The Scotsman, a leading newspaper in Scotland, reported Sunday that it had obtained a police report on the early July accident when the president crashed into a Scottish police constable while cycling in the grounds of Gleneagles Hotel during the G8 summit.

At the time, the focus of U.S. press reports was on the president's injuries--a few abrasions--while noting that that the constable had suffered a "very minor" ankle injury. The fact that Bush was wearing a helmet seemed to be the main accident detail, and that he had called the constable to check on his well-being.

According to the newspaper, however, the police officer (known in the report only as "Constable X") ended up on crutches and was off work for more than three months.


Bush had jumped on his bike for an early-evening jaunt at last year's G8 at the Perthshire resort. He ended up in a police report described as a "moving/falling object."

The report, according to The Scotsman, describes a detachment of constables covering a road junction where the president would pass through. The report goes on: "[At] about 1800 hours the President approached the junction at speed on the bicycle. The road was damp at the time. As the President passed the junction at speed he raised his left arm from the handlebars to wave to the police officers present while shouting 'thanks, you guys, for comin.'

[Rory's note: This is when Bush farted, actually, saying, "Thunder-train-a-comin!"]

"As he did this he lost control of the cycle, falling to the ground, causing both himself and his bicycle to strike [the officer] on the lower legs. [The officer] fell to the ground, striking his head. The President continued along the ground for approximately five metres, causing himself a number of abrasions. The officers... then assisted both injured parties....

"At hospital, a doctor examined the constable and diagnosed damage to his ankle ligaments and issued him with crutches. The cause was officially recorded as: 'Hit by moving/falling object'."

At the time, the newspaper noted, Bush laughed off the incident, saying he should start "acting his age".

[Rory's note: Bush added in a whisper to one of his aides, "It was hilarious, like it was almost like that fart blasted me off the bike and I was skidding along the ground."]

The Scotsman observed: "Details of precisely how the crash unfolded have until now been kept under wraps for fear of embarrassing both Bush and the injured constable. But the new disclosures are certain to raise eyebrows on Washington's Capitol Hill....

[Rory's note: Obviously, the most embarrassing details are still being kept under wraps.]


"In Scotland, an accident such as the one at Gleneagles could have led to police action. Earlier this year, Strathclyde Police issued three fixed penalty notices to errant cyclists as part of a crack-down on rogue riders. Legal experts also suggested lesser mortals could have ended up with a fixed penalty fine, prosecution, or at least a good ticking-off from officers."

John Scott, a human rights lawyer, said: "There's certainly enough in this account for a charge of careless driving. Anyone else would have been warned for dangerous driving.

"I have had clients who have been charged with assaulting a police officer for less than this. The issue of how long the police officer was out of action for is also important. He was away from work for 14 weeks, and that would normally be very significant in a case like this."

According to day-after press reports on July 7th, Bush blamed wet pavement and high speed for the fall. "We were flying,'' Bush said at a press conference in Gleneagles."



Fly-On-the-Wall reported on this incident for Rory. She advises that Bush was intoxicated and acting silly generally at the time of the incident. She also immediately reported the events to her co-citizens on Wanglingo. Symbolic charges were filed on that planet and an intergalactic arrest warrant was issued. There are now two outstanding Wanglingese warrants for Bush's arrest. In the meantime, Bush is forbidden by the Wanglingese from operating any wheeled vehicle, due to his habitual offender status. According to Fly, supporting telepathic documentation notes that Bush repeatedly has demonstrated an inability to safely operate a bicycle, has shown an inability to use a wheeled scooter without imperiling life and limb, and has now demonstrated that he is a danger not only to himself but to others when he is astride an instrumentality even as benign as a bicycle.

According to the Wanglingese, additionally, because of evidence presented concerning his inability to safely eat pretzels while observing televised sporting events, a condition of his Wanglinese bail requires him to wear a safety helmet while consuming pretzels or chips.


As noted in previous posts, Wanglingese arrest warrants are largely symbolic and barring a Bush trip to Wanglingo carry no tangible consequences for Bush.

Additionally, telepathic brain scans of Bush, conducted by Fly, indicated that additional areas of his brain, not already killed by earlier cocaine use and other unidentified causes, were damaged during the pretzel incident.
Doctor Silken advises that Bush's brain does not have the wherewithal to sustain any more 'insults." "One or two more pretzel or bike accidents
and I would not be surprised to see Bush walking about muttering incoherently, picking his nose and observing his finger studiously, laughing inappropriately at flatulence, and acting out violent impulses willy-nilly," Silken recently opined. Uh, Doc, hello, what the frickin' hell do you think is going on right now?


Rory wishes to thank Nordbank for inspiring this post in the light of Rory's previous post. Got a link below to Nordbank, where you can find the precious quote about Gerry Ford, gum chewing, and the ability to fart at the same time that seems all too apt today.

Account of Recent Bush Bike Accident

"He fainted due to a temporary decrease in heart rate brought on by swallowing a pretzel," White House physician Dr Richard Tubb said.

Bush previous bike accident

"Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time."-- Nordbank blogspot

The Scooter Incident (wheeled not Libby)

Right Wing Baldy Jeff Gannon Scornfully Predicts "Bikegate"

Fly-On-the-Wall's Bio