Rev. Verle Smegma interprets Bush's State of Union as making strong statements against gay marriage and in favor of abstinence as the cure for aids
Reverend Smegma of the Fourth Fundy Baptismal Church of the Latter Day Peckerwoods said: "First Godly President in my lifetime. Praise the Lord." [Smegma runs an abstinence only program. Rory will attempt to convince Fly-On-the-Wall to pay Smegma a visit].
The above is a copy of a tract reviewed by the President in preparation for his SOU address.
Smegma was especially pleased that during a bought of happy verbal pelvic thrusting in Sam Alito's direction, Bush spoke ill of "activist courts that try to redefine marriage." Fly-On-the-Wall (link to bio in sidebar) was able to pick up snippets of Bush's unspoken thoughts as well. "Marriage between man and a woman not man-animal hybrid and woman something ... pictures of man-animal hybrids Dick showed me ... " Elsewhere in his speech, he touted abstinence from sex outside of his definition of legal marriage.
But Rory asks, how does this marriage definition and abstinence shit play out in the real world?
$100,000,000 was earmarked to enrich religious groups for telling kids not to have sex. President Bush said this back in 2004 in support of this grant money: "... we need to tell our children that abstinence is the only certain way to avoid contracting HIV. It works every time."Federal Get Rich Preaching Sexual Purity Site
Bush's warriors in the fight against AIDS include those who collect millions merely to put on skits and browbeat children and Africans of all ages not to have sex.
Many of these groups refuse to distribute condoms or educate people to use condoms to help cut down on STDs.
Those that do distribute condoms, often do so grudgingly:
People like Rep. Chris Smith, R-NJ claim that organizations that are not in line with the views of the ChristianrightBushCheneyParty should get no bux, because if they hand out condoms to prostitutes or provide family planning and birth control assistance they are pro-prostitution, pro-abortion and not committed enough to abstinence policies.
Zealots express outrage that "even some religious groups emphasize condoms over abstinence." Focus on the Family spokesperson Linda Klepacki says that "we have to be careful that the president's original intent is being followed where abstinence and faithfulness are the emphasized areas...."
Untold numbers of people die because they can't get condoms.
People have sex anyway. Yep, that's right.
Gay people are told to go to hell.
It plays out like this in the twisted world of Bushcheneyoligarchristianity: 1. Gay people cannot be permitted to marry. 2. Unmarried people cannot be permitted to have sex. 3. Therefore no gay person should have sex. 4. Abstinence must be preached to gays. 5. Giving condoms to gay people is verboten. 6. If you did give condoms to gays, then you would be encouraging gayness and sex out of wedlock, which is of course not the president's intent. Why, this would be almost as wrong as providing prostitutes with condoms to allow them to practice safer sex!
(Above illustrations re: gayness being an "abomination" and the men of Sodom are from Chick Comics and are inserted as fair satirical use. Fly-On-the-Wall has advised that the President possesses and reads all the Chick Comics).
The level of enlightenment is reflected by a youth who says that before her Federally supported abstinence education, she knew very little about AIDS. After her training, she knew that God desires purity for His children, that abstinence is part of God's plan, and that sex should only happen between "husband and wife." Spreading that knowledge is worth 9.7 million dollars don't you think?
Purity Testimonial from Group getting 9.7 million in FaithbasedBushBux to tell people not to do it as cure for AIDS in Africa
Big Bux for Abstinence News
More Reverend Smegma
The above is a copy of a tract reviewed by the President in preparation for his SOU address.
Smegma was especially pleased that during a bought of happy verbal pelvic thrusting in Sam Alito's direction, Bush spoke ill of "activist courts that try to redefine marriage." Fly-On-the-Wall (link to bio in sidebar) was able to pick up snippets of Bush's unspoken thoughts as well. "Marriage between man and a woman not man-animal hybrid and woman something ... pictures of man-animal hybrids Dick showed me ... " Elsewhere in his speech, he touted abstinence from sex outside of his definition of legal marriage.
But Rory asks, how does this marriage definition and abstinence shit play out in the real world?
$100,000,000 was earmarked to enrich religious groups for telling kids not to have sex. President Bush said this back in 2004 in support of this grant money: "... we need to tell our children that abstinence is the only certain way to avoid contracting HIV. It works every time."
Bush's warriors in the fight against AIDS include those who collect millions merely to put on skits and browbeat children and Africans of all ages not to have sex.
Many of these groups refuse to distribute condoms or educate people to use condoms to help cut down on STDs.
Those that do distribute condoms, often do so grudgingly:
People like Rep. Chris Smith, R-NJ claim that organizations that are not in line with the views of the ChristianrightBushCheneyParty should get no bux, because if they hand out condoms to prostitutes or provide family planning and birth control assistance they are pro-prostitution, pro-abortion and not committed enough to abstinence policies.
Zealots express outrage that "even some religious groups emphasize condoms over abstinence." Focus on the Family spokesperson Linda Klepacki says that "we have to be careful that the president's original intent is being followed where abstinence and faithfulness are the emphasized areas...."
Untold numbers of people die because they can't get condoms.
People have sex anyway. Yep, that's right.
Gay people are told to go to hell.
It plays out like this in the twisted world of Bushcheneyoligarchristianity: 1. Gay people cannot be permitted to marry. 2. Unmarried people cannot be permitted to have sex. 3. Therefore no gay person should have sex. 4. Abstinence must be preached to gays. 5. Giving condoms to gay people is verboten. 6. If you did give condoms to gays, then you would be encouraging gayness and sex out of wedlock, which is of course not the president's intent. Why, this would be almost as wrong as providing prostitutes with condoms to allow them to practice safer sex!
(Above illustrations re: gayness being an "abomination" and the men of Sodom are from Chick Comics and are inserted as fair satirical use. Fly-On-the-Wall has advised that the President possesses and reads all the Chick Comics).
The level of enlightenment is reflected by a youth who says that before her Federally supported abstinence education, she knew very little about AIDS. After her training, she knew that God desires purity for His children, that abstinence is part of God's plan, and that sex should only happen between "husband and wife." Spreading that knowledge is worth 9.7 million dollars don't you think?
posted by Rory Shock at 8:43 PM
8 Comments:
what did you say about a dick?
sometimes first names are no accident, it seems ...
This whole 'faith-based' crap alone is nauseating, and now they're giving them millions?! Now I'm throwing up. Gee, give me a few million and I'll go to Africa and say, 'Just say no!'
Yeah, real money for nothin'
This is why they are against gay marriage: “When are you going to leave your wife and marry me?” asks Jeff Gannon/random male escort/boy toy/college roommate. “You know I would, but it’s against the law for me to marry you,” replies Republican Senator/WH Spokesman/Deputy Chief of Staff. Simple as that.
I can't beleive you would suggest they are hypocrites ... well then again, yes, I can
Dear Laura, ( Dr Laura, the Laura in the WH, any Laura)
I live in rural PA - the nearest pig farm is 10 miles away and the nearest sheep are 5 miles away. I have a 16 yr old son, I am in a flat panic! Tell me what I can do!
A dear neighbor who was married to a lay minister tells me her marriage ended because of his addiction to porn. He was 'abstinence' trained and therefore couldn't deal with a real relationship with a woman once he married.
The porn industry is multi billion dollar industry. Is this abstinence program both a way of boosting our flagging economy and reducing our population? What a patriotic idea!
I know condoms don't always work because I observed (while I was in KwaZulu Natal) condoms being stapled to abstinance postcards in a reprise of the award winning
A bstinance
B e faithful
C ondomize (is that a verb?)
program from Uganda that has so inspired our President to repeat it here. I am puzzled as to why he chose THIS program because it was designed as a triage program in the absence of anti retrovirals, but our President always knows best, he talked to God probably!
GWB has done a wonderful thing in admitting that sometimes the developing world have their own best solutions, and ones we can learn from. However the Ugandan model has since been discredited (sooo much USAid $ to chase the #'s were cooked, so sad, really!) and now we have a blowback situation on our penises and our policy.
Question: Why are the condoms distributed in Africa only made for white penises? African men have told me that they won't wear them because they look too much like mealies.
I know you have the answers, you always do.
Margaret of Merryall
That comment from Margaret has rendered me temporarily speechless ... wow ... from horror to enlightenment to laughter and back through all three in one quick burst of comment ... condoms stapled to abstinence postcards! mealies! thanks for some real news about how this really plays out ... if one assumes that the news about the great white wang being a deterrent to wearing has reached back up the distribution hierarchy, then perhaps the answer is this: it's essentially a ku klux glans hood. what could be more fitting of a white western religion being foisted on another culture than such a hood in the historically dominant color of the foisters ... a white christian man's ill-fitting fantasy straight from the great white Wang in the White House, W man, that is ... or somethin' like that maybe ...
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